More TP Parody
by NintendoGal55
Summary: More Twilight Princess Parody! Once again dedicated to Twilight Commando. This time it features random moments throughout the game. Rated mostly for sexual themes. LinkxMidna


**As I stated before in my other **_**Twilight Princess**_** parody, this is not meant to offend anyone, I don't own any of the characters, and this is pure humour and stupidity. I wrote it childishly ON PURPOSE. I do not write like this on a normal basis, just when I want to have fun.**

**Like I also said before, I don't really hate Ilia, this is just for fun.**

**If you don't like it, don't read. I don't want or need to hear how much it "burns your eyes". Please, show some respect.**

**Thank you.**

--

~Meeting with Oocoo~

Link and Midna are in the Forest Temple, and they find Ooocoo in a jar.

Ooccoo: Hi! Take me with you!

Link: Why?

Ooccoo: Because my son Ooccoo Jr. can warp you out for reasons no one can explain, and can bring you right back to the room you just left, where I'm standing! :D

Link: o_O Well, I gues we can-

Midna pops out of Link's shadow.

Midna: Link...a word with you?

They go to the other room.

Midna: Link! We can't take that chicken with us! She'll slow us down!

Link: Oh come on Midna, what am I supposed to do if I get hungry? I can't go through the entire Temple to the entrance!

Midna: TOO BAD! She's not coming with us!

Link: Whatever.

Midna: Good. Now let's go find the Fused Shadow!

She disappears back into his shadow, Link goes back into the room where Ooccoo is waiting.

Link: Okay, you come with us.

Midna: WHAT?!?!

Ooccoo: Happies!! :D

Link: xD

Midna: GRRRR!! LIIINNNKKKK!!!!

--

~Going to Kakariko~

Midna: Do you want me to lead you into the Twilight?

Link: No!

Midna: WHAT?!

Link: I don't wanna be a woooollff!!

Midna: TOO BAD!

She goes through the black wall, and pulls him in with her hand hair.

Link: Bark bark! (Dang it!)

Midna flops onto his back.

Midna: Onward!

Link: (No!)

Midna: I SAID MOVE IT!!!

Link: (I'm not going anywhere!)

Midna: I'll give you a steak.

Link: (LET'S GO!)

Midna: _Works every time..._

~Meeting with King Bulbin on the bridge~

King Bulbin: Let's have a jousting match! :D

Link: Why?

King Bulbin: So you can save this kid...?

Link: Then die!

Link charges at King Bulbin on Epona, and throws a cupcake over the bridge.

King Bulbin: MINE!

He jumps off the bridge into the chasm, and Link saves Colin, taking him back to Kakariko.

--

~Meeting Princess Agitha~

Agitha: Oh! Boy! A giant grasshopper!

Link: OMG! WHERE??! O.O

Agitha: -_- I meant you, boy.

Link: Ohhh, right.

Agitha: Get me the Golden Bugs for my ball and I'll pay you! :D

Link: ...How much?

Agitha: Fifty rupees per bug, and if you give me partners, I'll give you a hundred!

Link: Sweet! :D

Midna: Link? A word with you outside?

Link: No!

Midna: I SAID LET'S GO OUTSIDE!

Agitha: o_O What's that?

Link: Oh nothing...bye for now! ^^;

He runs outside.

Agitha: WAIT! YOU HAVE BUGS! GET BACK HERE!

--

~Saving Midna~

Link: Don't die, Midna! D:

Zelda: I thought you guys hated each other...

Midna: Aahh....ugh....aaahh....

Link: (NOOOO!!!! MIIIDDDNNAAAA!!!)

Zelda: SHUT UP WITH YOUR CRYING! GODDESSES, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE A HERO!!!

Link: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!! ...I mean, AWWWWOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! DX

Tired and fed up, Zelda revives Midna and sacrifices herself just to shut Link up.

Midna: I'm alive! :D

Link: (MIDNA MY LOVE!!!!)

He pounces on her and licks all over her face.

Midna: Liiiiiinnnkkk!! Not now!! Let's get the Master Sword and THEN we'll do it! ;P

Link: (OKAY!!! :D)

--

~Meeting Yeto~

Link goes up to the top of Snowpeak and sees Yeto.

Link: HOLY HYRULE!! WHAT ARE YOU?!

Yeto: Hahahaha! Little human not see yeti before! Come to house of Yeto!

Link: Why are you talking like that?

Yeto: Yeto don't know! It how game designers make me talk!

Link: Oh.

Yeto: My house far away, we sled! Do like Yeto!

He knocks a frozen leaf down, gets on it and slides down the hill.

Link: Awesome! Snowboarding! :D

Midna: Link! We don't have time for this! We have to find the Mirror Shard!

Link: But he said he had a house!

Midna: So?!

Link: There might be a nice comfy bed....

Midna: O.O WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?! I'M HORNY NOW!! LET'S MOVE IT!

Link: Okay!

--

~Restoring Ilia's Memory~

Ilia: Oh my God...you're....LINKY-POO!!!! :D

Link: Oh no...DX

Ilia: Oh Linky-poo!! I was so scared!! I never thought we'd make it to Kakariko with Ralis and...oops.

Link: ...WHAT?! You mean you were FAKING losing your memory!?

Ilia: N-no! No! I...what was I saying?!

Midna: How dare you!!! You wasted our precious time getting the last mirror shard! DIE!

Midna kills Ilia by strangling her with her hand hair.

Link: OMG! You killed Ilia!

Renado: O.O

Midna: So?

Link: ...Oh Midna!

Midna: Oh Link!

They start making love right there next to Ilia's corpse, and with Renado still there.

Renado: Couldn't you have waited until AFTER I left?! o_O

Telma: We should follow their example! ;)

Renado: O.O How did you get in here?

Telma: The front door. Now let's have sex!

Renado: Okay.

--

~Metting with random Twilight Messengers~

Twilight Messengers: Hi!

Link: Why are you all here?

Twilight Messenger 1: ...To kill you?

Link: Why?

Twilight Messenger 3: Because we're under orders to do so?

Midna: By Zant?

TM2: Yeeaah.

Link: Wouldn't you rather be free?

TM1: Hmm?

Link: Free to do what you want, go anywhere you want...you know, not be a slave?

TM's: Hmmm...

TM1: Well I WAS tired of all our little paychecks.

TM2: And no food!

TM3: And seeing the same thing over and over!

TM1: LET'S BE FREE!!! :D

TM2 and 3: YES!!!

They run off, leaving a portal.

Midna: Um....okay.

Link: Hey! They dropped a rupee! Happies! :D

--

~Midna's True form~

Link: Midna...

Midna: Yes?

Link:....OMG!! MARRY ME!!!

Midna: O.O Serious?!

Link: YES! I LOVE YOU! AND YOUR TRUE FORM IS SO BEAUTIFUL! OMG!! MARRY ME PLEASE!!!!

Midna: .......YES!!! :D

Link: HAPPIES!!! :D

Ilia: Ohhhh Linkyyyy!!!

Midna: How the heck did she get here?!?!

Ilia: LINKY! Come home! We have to get-...who's this slut?!

Midna: What did you just call me?!

Link: She's my fiancée. :D

Midna: Yep! :D

Ilia: WHAT?!!? D: But LINKY! You're supposed to marry ME!! You're under a contract!

Link: Huh?! What?!

(Flashback, before Link leaves)

Bo: Link, I want you to marry my daughter.

Link: Why?

Bo: Because I said so. Here's a contract.

Link: Okay.

Link signs in and gives it back to the Mayor.

Bo: Good then! When you get back from delivering the gift, you guys can get married!

Link: Okay! :D

(End of flashback)

Link: Oh, poopie.

Midna: Can I see that contract for a second?

Ilia: YES!

Ilia gives it to Midna, who reads it, and then rips it up.

Ilia: D: YOU BITCH!!!

Midna: Let's go get married, Link!

Link: Yes! :D

Ilia: LINKYYYYYY!!!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!

PT (Me): YES!! GO LINK! GO MARRY MIDNA!

Twilight Commando (Author): Want me to take care of the dumbass?

PT: Sure. :D

TC: Ok! Just let me get my Kill-Ilia-Into-Oblivion-Bazooka!

--

~After the game is over~

Midna: Link! Now that we're married, I'll live in Ordon with you! :D

Link: HAPPIES! :D

Midna: We'll have lots of babies!

Link: Yes! And we'll go on lots of adventures!

Midna: Yes! And we'll eat a lot of good food!

Link: Yes! And we'll go on walks on the beach!

Midna: Yes! And we'll hug and kiss and have sex everyday!

Link: Yes! And we'll be so in love for all time!

Midna: Yes!

Link: Yes!

Midna: Oh Goddesses, take me already!

Link: You got it! :D

--

**And that's the end for now. Stay tuned for more parodies! :D If you have a suggestion, feel free to tell me! :P**


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